What Does Family and Couples Therapy Mean?
Family and couples therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on close relationships within families and couples, addressing difficulties and conflicts experienced in the relationship process with the goal of fostering personal growth and change. Individuals participate in therapy as a couple, progressing through weekly sessions. If there are issues such as domestic violence or anger management problems, priority is given to individual counseling for the person experiencing these difficulties. The couple's motivation determines the duration of family therapy.
When couples are asked why they seek therapy, they usually mention concrete and visible reasons such as: “Our children don’t do their homework, and my spouse doesn’t help,” “Our children are always fighting, and we can’t get them to listen to us,” “Everything changed after having kids,” or “My spouse always prioritizes their own family.” However, beneath the surface, the underlying issues are often quite different: difficulties in developing a sense of self, separating from their family of origin, and setting healthy boundaries with them. These issues often persist after marriage or long-term partnerships. If these problems remain unresolved after assuming the roles of husband and wife, they become even more significant with the addition of parental responsibilities. As a result, couples may attribute their problems to external factors such as “children” or “extended family.”
In therapy, it is essential for both partners to attend sessions together. During the initial meetings, the therapist listens to both partners' perspectives on the problem(s) and sets goals for the relationship. If there are specific concerns regarding children—such as ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, or conduct disorder—the couple may be referred to a child psychiatrist for additional support.
The primary focus of couples therapy is the relationship itself and the issues within it. In working toward resolving relationship problems, topics such as effective communication skills, decision-making processes, and conflict resolution are addressed. Couples also receive psychoeducation on these subjects during sessions and are given assignments to track their progress and growth on a weekly basis.
What Are the Common Relationship Issues Among Couples in Turkey?
One common issue among couples is not knowing how to spend quality time together. For example, they may decide to engage in an activity such as going to the movies or taking a walk by the seaside. However, they fail to plan for what will happen before or after the activity, or how to handle potential conflicts that may arise during it. For instance, they may go to the movies, but one partner continuously checks their social media, or they might receive a last-minute invitation from family members and abandon their original plans to join them instead. As a result, the opportunity to enjoy quality time together is lost.
One of the factors that keeps a marriage dynamic is the couple continuously setting new goals together. This could be something as simple as taking a dance class, choosing a new household item together, learning a new language, or even dreaming about a shared future. The goal does not necessarily have to involve a financial aspect.
Good Communication Is Key to a Healthy Sexual Life
In couples therapy, relationship issues are prioritized first. However, if sexual dysfunctions are also a concern, the primary relationship problem that the couple brings to therapy should be addressed before focusing on sexual issues.
Strengthening Communication Is Possible
Here are five practical tips for improving your relationship:
- Do not overlook the small things your partner does for you—express gratitude.
- Express your admiration openly and share how you feel about it.
- Show appreciation.
- Maintain eye contact when communicating with your partner and try to communicate in person rather than through text messages.
- Show your love through physical affection such as touching, hugging, or holding hands.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Renowned marriage and family therapist John Gottman identified four behaviors that are detrimental to relationships:
- Contempt
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
Instead of making belittling or mocking remarks, acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s positive actions. Rather than resorting to criticism, express your needs using “I” statements. Constant defensiveness—saying things like “This is your fault” or “It’s because of you”—can reduce self-awareness about your own mistakes. Instead, taking responsibility, apologizing, and objectively examining the issue from both perspectives can be more effective.
Stonewalling refers to shutting down or giving the silent treatment. This can occur even in healthy relationships, but if the cycle of ignoring and reconciling lasts too long, it is important to introduce alternative reconciliation methods to restore communication.
Spc. Dr. Duygu ÖZBAYRAK KARAPINAR
Psychiatry Specialist
