The year 2020 was a complete trauma for the entire world. Even for adults, understanding, accepting, and mentally processing the COVID-19 pandemic remained a challenge, even as we moved into the second year of the crisis. If this situation was so difficult and complex for us adults, how did our children, our future, cope with it? It is undeniable that they have been affected. However, accurately identifying the extent of the impact and the damage is crucial to ensuring that our children can make healthy decisions about their future, exhibit socially desirable behaviors, and, most importantly, maintain a healthy mental state that allows them to continue contributing to humanity’s progress and development. This is not only important for the society we live in but also for the entire world.
Developmental psychologists such as Piaget and Erikson have categorized children’s psychological and physical development into stages. In my opinion, their emphasis on the importance of assessing and identifying whether a child can successfully fulfill their developmental tasks from birth to the future is particularly significant. The greatest factor contributing to the damages of the pandemic period has been uncertainty, which has led to anxiety pervading every aspect of life—socially and psychologically—for both adults and children. Children were deprived of the social interactions they needed to experience during critical developmental periods, as described in the literature, which resulted in them missing out on forming essential social bonds.
Below, I would like to share some key insights from two school-age children, one 10 years old and the other 11 years old, whom I worked with in therapy during this period. I asked them to write letters expressing their inner experiences:
The 10-year-old wrote: "At first, I was happy because schools were closed—it felt like a holiday. But as time passed, I started to get bored. I missed my friends, my teacher, and my school. I get so bored at home that no game entertains me anymore. I started arguing with my mom. It feels like everything I do annoys her. The people talking on TV make me feel overwhelmed. So, this stopped being a holiday for me. I'm sick of corona! I'm sick of being at home."
The 11-year-old wrote: "I miss my school and my teachers. Playing games online was fun, but even that isn’t exciting anymore. In online education, my mom is always watching over me, and it makes me very uncomfortable. Of course, this might be an advantage for my mom and dad, but not for me. My parents have banned so many things, as if banning them will make me happy. My mom always wants me to study. Going outside is already forbidden. I was happy at first because I thought it was a holiday, but now I just want to go back to school."
As we can see from their words, this period has been extremely overwhelming for children. This naturally raises the question for parents: What should we do? As parents, this situation causes additional anxiety regarding our children.
To ensure our children’s future social, academic, and physical needs are met, a proactive plan should be developed based on a democratic framework.
The pandemic has impacted children, who are integral members of our society. To help our children navigate this process with minimal damage:
- All uncertain situations should be explained to them in a way they can understand, with honesty, to help them make sense of the process.
- Children should be protected from exaggerated and fear-inducing content in mass media.
- It should be conveyed to them, in an age-appropriate manner, that being separated from relatives, friends, and school is not a terrifying or extraordinary event.
- While discussing these issues, eye contact should be maintained, repetitive and purposeless questioning should be anticipated, and patience and calmness should be practiced.
- According to the recommendations of UNICEF and the Turkish Psychiatric Association regarding the "new normal," the home environment should be reorganized, and activities that all family members can participate in should be planned with an open-minded approach to innovation and development.
- Depending on their age groups, children’s social, academic, and physical needs should be identified in a democratic framework, and a proactive plan should be established accordingly.
Facing the Reality of Death
Beyond the social aspect of the pandemic, another crucial reality was the close encounter with death and the grieving process entering our lives more directly than ever before. While grieving is already a difficult process for adults to accept and process, children faced this reality at an early stage of life. If the loss is close to the family, seeking professional support to manage the grieving process healthily may be advisable.
However, parents should explain to children—without presenting the harsh reality in its entirety but using age-appropriate language—that this is not an unnatural part of life. They should also communicate that grief varies from person to person. The Psychological First Aid Guide published by the Turkish Psychiatric Association during the pandemic can be consulted for additional guidance on managing grief and loss.
In conclusion, the year 2020 was a highly complex and damaging year for our children, who are our future. Minimizing the damage, repairing the psychological impact, and preventing trauma must be the primary focus. Children should be supported in an age-appropriate manner, with activities that involve listening and understanding them. If necessary, seeking professional support should not be avoided. The key to helping our children is to be sufficiently clear, completely honest, and take actions that reduce uncertainty in their lives.
Psy. Couns. Süleyman Emre Fidan
